


Counting stars

by Significant_What



Series: a flaming star over his shoulder [2]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Space, Alternate Universe - Star Trek Fusion, Angst and Feels, Cultural Differences, Developing Relationship, Dorks in Love, Falling In Love, Fluff, Happy Ending, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Love at First Sight, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Slice of Life, Space Dorks, Space Gays, Vulcan Kisses, Will Solace Is A Gay Disaster, oblivious heartbreaker nico di angelo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-03-05 22:09:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18837763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Significant_What/pseuds/Significant_What
Summary: ”Chief Medical Officer’s Personal Log, star date 56430.2, supplementary. Commander di Angelo has dimples. I have dropped and broken three coffee cups this week. It’s Tuesday. Nurse Knowles keeps checking my nerve system for underlying infections, but I know better.”





	Counting stars

**Author's Note:**

> (it's starting to seem like 11000-13000 words is a pretty regular word count for my stories. i swear it's not on purpose.)
> 
> i feel like this prequel has been a long time coming. yes, you read that right: this is a prequel for my Star Trek AU story And all of the stars. i have added this to the same series, but i couldn't be bothered to change the publication dates. i think that's not such a big deal. 
> 
> anyway, i kind of have been wanting to write more to this au since i published the first one, and it took a lovely comment a few weeks back asking for a prequel for me to finally start working on this. writing this in will's pov was also a natural choice to make for me, since AAOTS is in nico's.
> 
> there were comments last time a) thanking me for going classic!trek and b) wondering why i kept everyone on enterprise instead of giving them their own ships. i wanted to address these things.
> 
> the reason why i went classic!trek is because that's the star trek i fell in love with: shatner+nimoy+kelley is my original Golden Trio from all the fandoms i've since become a part of. i have seen the new films, and i do like them, but my heart will always go for 60's special effects and nimoy's eye brows. that's it. that's the grand story behind it. also i feel like all the classic!trek gives us so much more field to play with than the films, but that might just be my personal opinion.
> 
> as for the ships, i chose enterprise simply because i feel like i know that ship and how it works and i didn't want to start from scratch and create a whole new cruiser. and to correct the misconception about me giving annabeth and percy new ships: uss yamato is uss enterprise's sister ship, as listed on the starfleet records, and uss cortez is another galaxy class ship under starfleet. you guys think i have enough imagination to create galaxy class star ships to give people, HA well there you have it, i don't. i thought it was rather nice to give jason and percy sister ships, kind of a nod towards the whole camp half-blood/camp jupiter situation.
> 
> iiiiiiii think that's everything i wanted to say here. let's hope so.
> 
> anyway, please enjoy me destroying the star trek universe once more with an attempt at pining, humor and fluff. you have been warned.

People always assume that because Will’s mother is a doctor, she somehow forced her sons to go into medicine as well. That’s not what happened. Obviously Will assumes she’s happy that they did, because that means they have things to talk about other than the usual ”how are you” and ”how is school going”.

Originally, Will had wanted to become a Starfleet captain – as did everyone in his class at age seven, really, so that’s not very unusual. He remembers running outside during recess, sprinting towards the big tree house at the edge of the lot, because the first one there was automatically declared captain for the next fifteen minutes. What he doesn’t remember is how many times he actually did make it there first. Probably not that many times in the end.

Will’s father was a doctor, too, but he’s been missing or assumed dead for as long as Will has been alive. When Will was small everyone just said his dad was ”on a mission”, and that’s it. It wasn’t until he was thirteen that he realized his father was actually a doctor on a star ship that went missing and was never heard from again. There’s a fancy placate on their living room wall that commemorates him.

By that time Michael has already been accepted into the Academy and is working on his qualifications to the science studies. Will talks to him on subspace and they write to each other constantly, and his interest in the field grows. He starts taking extra credit classes and reading his mother’s research journals and going to the library to read about the latest medical advancements almost every chance he gets.

At fifteen, Will applies to the Academy with a recommendation from his teacher. When he gets in with high scores, he’s the youngest to get in in the last decade, and he has already studied through most of his first year general classes. In theory, Will should be able to graduate in just a little over three years, if he wishes.

But Will is in no hurry. He simply wants to study _everything_ – even though he knows with absolute certainty now, that a doctor is what he wants to be, he still wants to gain knowledge on anything and everything the Academy has to offer. He spends a full year studying engineering with a professor who clearly thinks Will is just wasting everyone’s time by focusing on something he doesn’t intend to do, but he still manages to get good grades. He takes piloting classes, but he soon discovers that he doesn’t have the instinct that makes good pilots, and he isn’t very upset when his grades come back as merely _passing_.

Outside of the science classes, Will’s definite favorites are the history classes. He doesn’t understand how there are only two mandatory history courses for everyone attending the Academy – he thinks that every single person in the Federation should know at least the basic on every Federation world’s history, and that’s what he intends to do. It’s fascinating, and it does take a lot of time, but Will is convinced that any knowledge he can gain will make him a better doctor.

After Will turns eighteen, he gets aboard the star ship _USS Cortez_ for a six month internship period. He loves every second of it; the business of the star ship, the diversity of crew members, all the worlds they visit that he has previously only read in history books. He manages to make friends with the First Officer, Commander Chase, who is rumored to become captain after the old Captain Brunner retires. She is the first person that wholeheartedly agrees with Will’s logic to learn as much about everything as he can, and Will hopes they can keep in touch even once he gets his own mission on a star ship.

Will does another internship on Farpoint Station, spending four months reorganizing the medical ward after a Romulan attack and thorough remodeling. It’s an experience like no other, a once in a lifetime chance really, and Will in incredibly grateful for the opportunity – but his heart is set on serving on a star ship, exploring the space rather than manning one corner of it.

During summers, Will works different jobs in the San Francisco General Hospital, where his mother is the senior physician. Michael already has a permanent position there during Will’s last summer, and their mother jokes that she’s going to turn the hospital into a family business.

”In all honesty, though”, she says during dinner one day while pouring a glass of sparkling cider into three glasses, ”I’m one of the luckiest parents in the Federation. After all, I’ve had both you so close for this long.” Her smile gets a little bittersweet when she hands over the glasses and caresses Will’s cheek gently. ”I can’t honestly with good conscience ask for anything more.”

She means well, Will knows, but what she says haunts at the back of Will’s mind as he dreams about his own future and reads the job listings on star ships that are hiring or regrouping. He knows that, if he were to ask, his mother would tell him she wants him to follow his heart and his dreams. But what about when those two are far from an agreement, and the other wants to stay and the other go?

Michael leaves San Francisco General Hospital before the summer ends, accepting a job offer on a space station in the neighboring star system. Will returns to the Academy for his final year with a conflicted mind and reassurances from his mother that she won’t be offended, no matter what path he chooses.

Will isn’t sure about his own plans, dreams or hopes until months later.

* * *

Applying for the job on _Enterprise_ had mostly been a joke. Freshly out of Academy, Will would never in a million years have believed _he_ could have gotten the job and not one of the dozens of practiced, experienced science officers that undoubtedly also applied for the position. But as it turns out, with Captain Grace being one of the most accomplished young captains in Starfleet history, he wanted to keep all his staff young. Will wonders if that’s the only reason he got the job, if his achievements at the Academy and in his internships counted for nothing.

Whatever it is, here Will is, the Chief Medical Officer at his first real job. He has his own quarters, his own office, his own staff of doctors and nurses and interns. It’s surreal, and Will can hardly sleep from the excitement of it all.

On his first day on the job, on the day all staff boards the new, freshly rebuilt _USS Enterprise_ for the first time, Will is running late on his schedule. He can’t believe his bad luck; two of his nurses have fallen sick, and since they have all the mandatory medical inspections for the first few days, it’s more or less a chaos in the medical bay as soon as he walks in at 0700 hours. He doesn’t even have the time for a quick cup of coffee before he is needed in three places at once.

The morning flies like no day ever has, and Will barely has time to think between check ups and getting to know where everything in the medical bay is. Everything is brand new, and while most of the instruments and other appliances have been unpacked there is still a lot of stuff in boxes, and Will is kind of grateful that he gets to organize them the way he sees logical and sensible. It _is_ his domain, after all.

Will checks his schedule on a PADD after his fifth check up of the day and sees that he has almost managed to get back on track, time-wise. He has rescheduled two appointments for next week – cases that are not critical but need a little more time and attention than he has to offer right now – and he has been very pleased to see that the efficiency of Starfleet officers includes medical inspections. Or maybe everyone is just very keen to get them over with to focus on the starting mission as soon as possible. Whatever it is, everyone has been ready and on time, and Will couldn’t be happier.

His next appointment is the First Officer, Commander Nico di Angelo, followed by the captain himself. Will has, of course, heard rumors about the Commander – or rather, his father. Will isn’t much for gossip, and he doubts anyone would be able to buy someone into the Academy, no matter how important you are. Still, he can’t help but be curious about the Commander himself. The picture attached to his file is not very flattering, it’s dark and from a bad angle, but that’s the case with everyone. You’d think that they’d have better cameras and holographers by the 24th century.

Will picks up a tricorder that no one else is using, leaves the PADD on his desk and makes his way toward the station that was appointed for the Commander’s check up on the file. The settings on the tricorder are a little bit off (this seems to be a theme on most of the new equipment today, Will can only hope the new settings will stand), and so he tinkers on it as he walks through the busy med bay, barely looking where he’s going before he reaches the right station.

When Will looks up and sees the First Officer of _Enterprise_ in flesh for the first time, he drops his medical tricorder on the floor and instantly knows that this is it. This is someone who has the power to break his heart with a quirk of a delicately manicured eye brow, just like that. Will’s heart is in his throat and he has to swallow hard. Commander di Angelo looks nothing like his picture on the ship records. Or maybe he does, and it’s just the aura around him. Will is not sure, nor does he have the time to figure things out right now, because damn, the Commander looks annoyed and Will should have been giving him a routine check almost twenty minutes ago.

Will tries to cover up how flustered he actually feels, and says, ”Well, there goes that, along with the rest of my sanity.” He picks up the tricorder, walks to the Commander, starts the routine check, and (because apparently he doesn’t have any kind of filter anymore), asks him out to dinner. Just like that.

Will has never asked anyone out before. The two people he dated in the Academy both either asked _him_ out, or they just always met at social gatherings without pre-made plans. But here is Will Solace, making an absolute fool of himself by asking the First Officer of his first star ship if he’d like to have dinner with him. Will can only hope that this won’t affect his work negatively.

Fortunately (or, maybe, unfortunately), Commander di Angelo doesn’t seem to take him seriously. With looks like that, Will would imagine he gets dinner invites all the time, so he’s probably used to it. He’s very polite and appropriate, though, when he simply tells Will that he has plans on having dinner with the Captain, and that otherwise he usually enjoys his meals in private. Which is fair. Commander di Angelo doesn’t even know Will. Will can only hope to change that in the future.

Will spends the rest of the check up talking cheerfully and taking note on how Commander di Angelo barely says a word. Not a very talkative one, then. Will guesses he shouldn’t be surprised. All in all, the Commander is in perfect shape (both medically and aesthetically speaking), and it doesn’t take Will more than fifteen minutes to declare him well and healthy enough to commandeer a space ship. The Commander nods, makes sure the sleeves of his uniform are rolled down and pristine, then thanks Will quickly before leaving the medical bay. Will watches after him and can’t help the little sigh that drops off his lips.

Remembering he has another patient waiting, Will picks up the tricorder again and glances around the room – only to find the Captain already waiting for him by the station occupied by the Commander less than two minutes ago. Chances are that Captain Grace has seen the longing look and heard the sigh, and Will blushes as he forces himself to focus on work again.

”Good morning, Captain”, he says and can’t look him in the eyes. ”Ready for your routine check?”

”Sure thing, Doc.” Will can hear the grin on the Captain’s voice. He readjusts the tricorder back to human settings as Captain Grace jumps up to sit on the cot. ”So, you too, huh?”

Will doesn’t know what that’s supposed to mean, but he has a feeling it has something to do with the fact that he finds Commander di Angelo extremely attractive. Will knows he’s often obvious about these things. But what does the Captain mean with _you too_?

”I don’t know what you’re talking about.” It’s not entirely a lie, and Will decides to forget about the whole thing. The Captain’s chuckle annoys Will and he can hear the words echoing in his head all through the day.

* * *

Commander Nico di Angelo is the same age as Will and devastatingly handsome. Those are the main two things Will can think about outside of work. He thinks a lot of other things, too, but most of them revolve around Commander di Angelo.

Will has never really given the traditional Vulcan hair cut much of a thought, but in the past month he has started to find it surprisingly attractive. Since the Commander doesn’t share many of the most Vulcan characteristics, Will can’t help but wonder why he has chosen to keep his hair like that. He hopes he can some day be in friendly enough terms with the Commander to ask. The deep red of the Starfleet Command uniforms has a new sort of appeal, too, especially when combined with a skin tone that is nicely tanned. Will has never thought of himself as a superficial person, and he’s a little horrified when he finds himself thinking about things like that, but it’s not like he can do anything about it.

On the rare occasion that Will’s presence is requested on the bridge, Will catches himself checking the mirror just before leaving his office. Why the Chief Medical Officer’s office has a mirror, Will can only guess, but he finds it handy in these situations. But it doesn’t matter anyway, because once he’s on the bridge Commander di Angelo merely glances at him on his arrival and then very pointedly does not look at Will for the rest of the time. Will doesn’t know if he should be offended or not.

Will doesn’t even understand what it is that has made him so crazy over a man he barely knows. He’s not usually like this. Sure, he’s always been excited about new people, and he develops feelings in a speed that he assumes is a little faster than average (at least according to his roommate back in the Academy), but nothing has ever been even close to whatever _this_ is.

Especially since, after years of brief, devastating and unrequited crushes on people who barely even look at him, Will is now pretty sure there’s at least _something_ going on in Commander di Angelo’s end, too.

While the Commander rarely talks to anyone outside of work (except for the Captain; Will remembers hearing that Captain Grace and Commander di Angelo have been friends since the Commander’s first years in the Academy), it’s not like he avoids Will’s company. In fact, between senior staff meetings and sharing an elevator and sometimes running into each other in the corridors, Will has been pleased to notice that the Commander seems to _linger_. He doesn’t seem to mind that half the time Will has no idea how to talk to him, or that he keeps dropping things and spilling coffee on both of their uniforms.

It’s not much, Will knows. But it’s enough to keep his mind on a constant look of _what if’_ s and _what the hell_ ’s. Also a bunch of daydreams that leave him rather breathless and that he has no idea what to do with.

When asked years later, there isn’t much that Will remembers of his first year on board the _USS Enterprise_ that has anything to do with his career.

* * *

The first time Will is picked to co-lead a team on a new uninhabited planet is both a blessing and a curse.

It’s a blessing for two reasons. First, this is something he has been dreaming about for years: discovering new wildlife, getting samples to analyze during their more quiet days of journey on board, seeing what a sunset looks like on the surface of a planet no one else walks on. In Will’s mind, discovering strange new worlds has gotten a rather romantic hue, and he can’t wait to see if any of his expectations turn out to be a reality.

The second reason is that he’s going to co-lead the team with Commander di Angelo.

And there lies the curse. Their monitoring of the planet over the course of the past three days has told them that the surface temperature is considerably higher than the one they have on board, but not warm enough to demand temperature adjusting suits. As the Chief Medical Officer, Will has made a what had then sounded like a smart decision to encourage lighter wear for the landing party as to not overheat themselves. He himself has chosen the standard black and blue uniform, but in a thinner, more breathable material.

Will knows he hasn’t thought things through when he walks into the transporter room. The Commander is already there, in a short sleeved uniform shirt and cropped pants, showing an unusual amount of tanned olive skin – and Will promptly walks into a wall.

* * *

”Chief Medical Officer’s Personal Log, star date 56430.2, supplementary. Commander di Angelo has dimples. I have dropped and broken three coffee cups this week. It’s Tuesday. Nurse Knowles keeps checking my nerve system for underlying infections, but I know better.”

* * *

Will is off duty, enjoying a drink in Ten Forward now that he finally has the time. He’s seen pictures of the original Ten Forward, but he rather likes what they have done with the place in the remodeling. The colors are vibrant, and he especially likes the flowy curtains that frame the huge windows all around the lounge. He’s hanging around with some of the other science crew, bonding and actually getting to know them outside the medical bay. They are somewhat bound to each other for the foreseeable future on this ship, he might as well show some effort and get some friends. He shouldn’t have too much trouble with that.

Nurse Knowles (who Will knows he should call Kayla outside of work, since he’s requested so, but he still doesn’t remember everyone’s first names so he’s trying to avoid awkward situations by using last names on everyone instead) is telling one story or another about a shuttle accident she was in back in the Academy, and Will is only half listening. Not because he doesn’t want to, but because Ten Forward is full of people tonight. Some of it might be due to the new bartender that joined the crew just a week ago from Betazed; Will has to admit that he finds her rather interesting, too.

It hits Will like a wave that this is the first time on board that he spends his free time somewhere other than the med bay or his own quarters. It’s strange – he always loved hanging out with people and going places back in the Academy. True, he doesn’t have half the free time here that he had in school, but it boggles his mind to realize that after the long days in the med bay he actually prefers to just hide in his own bedroom and read old crime novels.

It’s actually a rather amusing discovery, and Will is just about to open his mouth and say something about it to the others when –

”Good evening, Doctor.”

Will is a little embarrassed by the quiet squeak that escapes his throat, and he can only hope that no one else hears it. But the fact is, Will could recognize that voice _anywhere_ , as creepy as it sounds, and sure enough, when he turns around he is suddenly face to face with Commander Nico di Angelo, out of uniform and decidedly even more handsome than Will has ever seen him.

Why does the universe hate him so much?

”Hello, Commander!” Will says, aiming for cheery and, at least to his own ears, ending up sounding just a little bit creepy. ”I didn’t think I’d see you here.”

Commander di Angelo looks at him, then nods, like this is something he agrees with. That him being in Ten Forward is just as unusual as Will makes it sound. ”I had a couple of beverages with the Captain and his fiancee. They insisted on meeting here instead of one of our quarters.”

This must be the most Will has ever heard the Commander say outside of staff meetings, and all of it is information he offered himself. Will didn’t even have to ask! This _must_ be a sign of something, right?

”I trust you are having a pleasant time?” the Commander asks then, and Will’s head is spinning a little from all this attention.

Will nods sharply, trying to cover the shake of his head. He needs to focus. ”I am! I believe bonding with the people you work with is important maintain a pleasant working atmosphere, don’t you?”

The Commander hums, possibly in agreement, and Will takes that as a yes. He knows without looking that the rest of his little group of people are watching him and the Commander with keen interest, and he tries to keep his back straight and the blush off his face.

”I won’t keep you from socializing, then. Will I see you at the senior staff meeting tomorrow at 0800 hours?” the Commander asks. If Will were brave enough to assume, he’d think his voice is shaking a little from nerves.

The question itself is strange. They have a senior staff meeting every three days in Captain Grace’s ready room, always at 0800 hours, and Will has yet to be late from a single one. Does the Commander mean to imply that Will is going to drink himself into oblivion and be too hungover to show up in the morning? It’s a little offensive to assume that, to be honest, but Will subconsciously lowers his drink back to the table and doesn’t really feel like drinking it anymore.

”Bright and early, Commander”, he says, giving his best cheery grin and a humorous salute even though his hands are sweating and his heart is beating like crazy over the fact that _Commander Nico di Angelo just came to talk to him on his own accord_. This must be a dream.

The Commander doesn’t say anything else. He nods his head slightly again (and looks _so cool_ doing that, he must have been born to be a First Officer, he has such authority that Will kind of swoons), then turns around and leaves Ten Forward in a few steady strides that do not stumble the way Will’s always do when he tries to act cool and collected.

(Will wants to go after him. He wants to grab him by the shoulders and kiss him. Or maybe just shake him and yell at his face, ”What do you mean when you do things like that?!” He wants to tell the Commander that he would very much like to see him before the staff meeting for morning coffee, and after for breakfast, and later for lunch.

Will wants to touch the tips of his fingers against the palm of Commander di Angelo’s hand as a sign of affection, and learn if there is enough Vulcan in him to want that. He wants to explore the ship’s quiet corners together and fill the silences with soft words. He wants to call the Commander Nico and see if that gives the Commander a rush as big as it does to Will when he whispers it in his bedroom in secret. He wants to learn the thoughts that make the Commander’s ears turn such a pretty shade of pink, and he wants to provide those thoughts and hopes and dreams.

Will wants an awful lot of touching, to a point it can be considered inappropriate and disturbing.)

”You’re a lucky one, you know”, an ensign says behind Will and calls him out of his day dreams with a jolt. ”At least he acknowledges that you exist. That’s a lot more than the rest of us get.”

The ensign (Ensign Hill, maybe, Will thinks, and makes a mental note to go through everyone’s profiles on his PADD again) sounds bitter and frustrated. Will is confused for a brief moment until he notices the longing glances two of the other crew members are still shooting at the door that Commander di Angelo just disappeared through.

It shouldn’t surprise Will as much as it does. The Commander is incredibly attractive, and Will would be a fool to assume himself to be the only one to notice that. In close living situations such as a star ship, where you share spaces with people and see the same people day in and day out, and where vacation times are few and far between, it’s pretty much expected for crushes to develop. Will knows all this.

(He has dismissed the thought that his interest in Commander di Angelo could be just a crush of convenience. He’s more or less an expert on crushes, he knows when it’s the real deal and when it’s not. This time it definitely is.)

Maybe the biggest surprise for Will is, in the end, the fact that, just as he predicted, he _does_ hold some special place in the Commander’s mind, after all. It’s a thought that makes Will light-headed, almost, and he bites the inside of his cheek to ground himself a little. He doesn’t want to get his hopes too high up, in fear of falling and crashing, but then again, they _are_ in space. You can’t exactly fall if you’re floating around in zero gravity.

The conversation soon turns back to the common topics of Academy days and interesting accidents, but Will’s mind is floating elsewhere.

* * *

Will has a feeling that Commander di Angelo keeps staring at him, but every time he turns to look the Commander is either looking at the Captain or staring at his cup of coffee. It’s frustrating, because Will would give a month’s pay check to bet that the Commander has his eyes on him for most of the staff meeting today. Will tries to focus on the discussion about the upcoming visit from the Ferengi ambassador, but he feels his skin crawling in a surprising yet quite pleasant way, and it’s making it hard to think about anything else.

The ending of the meeting comes off as a bit of a surprise for Will because of his lack of focus, and he’s rather embarrassed by it. He should get a grip; there’s nothing stopping Captain Grace from replacing him as the Chief of Medical if he doesn’t meet the required standards – and Will _really_ wants to keep this job. It’s been a dream come true in more ways than he could have ever hoped.

”Doctor.”

Will stumbles where he’s trying to get up from his chair, further embarrassing himself by toppling over his (this time fortunately empty) coffee cup on the table. He rushes to pick it up before turning to look at Commander di Angelo, feeling how red his face is and swearing he’s never felt this ashamed in his entire life. (He probably has, but it sure doesn’t feel like it.)

”Yes, Commander?” he asks, hoping his voice doesn’t sound as pathetic to others as it does to himself. He drops his gaze somewhere under the Commander’s left ear. The Commander has a tiny piece of lint on the shoulder of his uniform. Will resists the urge to pick on it.

”May I walk with you to the medical bay, Doctor?”

Behind the Commander, Will can see Captain Grace smirking and Lieutenant Ramirez-Arellano rising a brow in surprise. They share a look before the Captain ushers the Lieutenant to leave the room, and if Will knew the Captain better he’d say he was plotting something.

But Will has other things to think about. Like his heart and how it feels like someone is squeezing it tight enough to keep it terrifyingly still. For a long moment, it feels like all the air has left Will’s lungs and he’s underwater, not knowing which way the surface is. He was already emotionally on edge this morning as it is, and now the Commander has thrown this at him, and Will really is falling for him way too hard for anyone to leave the situation unscathed.

”S-sure”, Will manages, then swallows around nothing. His throat is dry, and he looks at the empty cup in his hands and wishes it had water in it. Or perhaps Aldeberan whiskey. He places the cup back on the table and notices how badly his hand is shaking. He squeezes it into a fist and straightens his back. ”Shall we?”

The Commander nods and gestures Will to lead the way. Will does so, pointedly not looking at anyone they might pass as they cross the bridge on their way out.

They starts walking in a silence that Will deems is the most awkward one that has yet been shared between the two of them. Will has a million thoughts circling inside his head, a thousand questions he needs answers to, but he doesn’t voice any of them out loud. He doesn’t dare break the silence other than telling the computer to bring the elevator to the sickbay complex on deck G, but he does sneak a few looks at the Commander. Which, the Commander looks the way he always does, kind of cold and emotionless. He keeps staring at the walls, and to Will he looks like he would rather be anywhere else instead.

All of this just manages to make Will even more confused, and being confused makes him angry. He wants to know what’s going on, and even more than that he wants to have the nerves to ask the Commander all the things that are bothering him.

The Commander doesn’t talk at all until they reach the doors to the examination room closest to Will’s office. Will has gradually slowed his steps, waiting for the Commander to say something, anything, to explain all of this, and they have ended up standing awkwardly by the doors, Will shuffling his feet and Commander di Angelo presumably still staring at walls.

”I have reserved Holodeck 1 for private use tomorrow at 1900 hours”, the Commander says, and Will takes a double take as his heart jumps to his throat. When he looks up Commander di Angelo’s face is as expressionless as ever, but the points of his ears have turned slightly red. ”Your company would be much appreciated.”

Suddenly the situation has taken a much different turn than Will could ever have guessed – and he’s actually kind of loving it. He _is_ terrified, though, because he still doesn’t understand what the Commander wants, exactly, but he’s thrilled for the chance to spend at least a little more time together outside the meetings.

”Oh? What are we doing?”

”There is a new Risa based hiking trail I have been wanting to try.”

Risa. As in the resort planet. As in the resort planet strongly associated with romantic vacations. Will might actually die. Does the Commander know what he’s asking, or is it just a coincidence? Will really, really, _really_ hopes that Commander di Angelo has chosen the program with ultimate care, that the romantic implications are intentional and not just in Will’s head.

”O-okay!” Will says and smiles nervously. ”Sure, I’ll be there. Tomorrow, 1900 hours. Hiking. Cool.”

When Will turns and hides inside his office, his insides burn over the embarrassment that this entire morning has been for him. The only things that make him feel better are the invitation from the Commander – and the fact that just before turning, Will swears he saw Commander di Angelo smile.

* * *

The difference between formal Commander di Angelo and a little more relaxed Nico is as stark as that of night and day. At least it is in Will’s mind.

It’s not big things, but a sum of smaller ones. Like the fact that he wants Will to call him _Nico_ out of duty. He says it almost as soon as they meet each other outside the holodecks, and Will can swear there is a blush on both of their faces. In return Will insists that Nico call him by his first name, too, but Nico has yet to act on it directly. In fact, half an hour into their hike, Nico has barely spoken at all.

(Will hasn’t had a chance to say Nico’s name yet, either. He’s kind of scared to. What if his voice trembles and he swallows half of it? What if he somehow pronounces it wrong? His name sounds Italian. Will has looked up how it’s _supposed_ to be pronounced, but he can never be sure before he tries. Will Nico be offended if Will says it wrong?)

Will doesn’t attempt to fill the silence with pointless chit-chat. With someone else he might, but with Nico the silence is an almost overwhelming obstacle that Will doesn’t really want to try to overcome. A few times he sees something that makes him want to point it out to Nico, but each time he bites his tongue, too scared to disturb the quiet. Maybe Nico appreciates him not saying a word, walking in silence through trees and bushes Will has previously only seen in text books.

The hiking trail itself is beautiful. The nature is vibrant and colorful, smelling like sweet honey and fresh water, and Will finds himself hoping that he might one day see the real thing. Perhaps he could take a vacation on Risa, then spend days exploring the less used trails, taking holopics to always remember every sunrise and sunset. He blushes when he catches himself imagining Nico with him there, but he can’t really help it; it was Nico, after all, who asked him to go hiking on _Risa_ of all places, be it a holo program or not. Will thinks the implications stand.

It takes them close to an hour to reach the peak of the hill they’ve been climbing. Up there they find a few benches and a ledge overlooking the forest, clearly built for visitors to see the whole beauty from the best possible viewpoint. Nico takes a seat on one of the benches and starts rummaging his backpack for a water bottle, but Will takes a few moments to walk over to the ledge and look around. It’s hands down the most beautiful, most romantic place he has seen in his life, and he can imagine it with the suns setting and creating a warm red glow over everything.

Will is so incredibly glad that he came here – and that Nico asked him to. He closes his eyes and smiles, memorizing this moment as one he wants to cherish forever, one of the firsts where he lets his heart beat a few times for someone he wishes to one day love.

”I understand that you have a brother?”

The question surprises Will out of his thoughts – and not only because it’s the first sentence Nico has willingly said since they entered the holodeck. Will knows that his family connections are no secret, that many people have heard of his mother’s accomplishments in San Francisco General, but he would never had guessed Nico to be interested to hear about Michael. Not that Michael’s accomplishments weren’t impressive, too, but rather Will doesn’t understand the picked topic of conversation.

Is this just an attempt at light conversation? Does Nico have a genuine interest in Michael particular? Or (dare Will hope) is Nico just interested to hear about Will’s family? Will isn’t sure which of those scenarios he would prefer.

”Y-yes”, he says, clearing his throat and quickly collecting himself while he takes a seat on one of the unoccupied benches. ”An older brother, Michael. He’s a doctor, too – he’s stationed as a junior practitioner in Andromeda Station.”

Will watches Nico nod. Nico does so beautifully, the way he does everything. The light hits him from a perfect angle, painting his skin in molten copper that compliments his natural olive complexion perfectly. Will wants to touch it, feel the warmth left there by the holographic suns, learn the texture of it and memorize it to cherish in lonely moments. But somehow Nico looks so untouchable like this, so ethereal, and really, Will doesn’t want to do anything to disturb such a vision.

(Not to mention that touching Nico without permission would be highly inappropriate. Will really needs to get his shit together.)

”I myself have two sisters”, Nico says then, and Will feels so special simply for hearing Nico speak so softly, for seeing him look into the distance with a delicate look on his face. ”I am a middle child. Hazel is due to graduate from the Academy in two years time.”

Will doesn’t understand what makes Nico grant such information all of a sudden, yet he doesn’t ask. He feels like he is finally getting somewhere with Nico; perhaps he was right to assume that there was a more personal intention behind the invite, after all. He offers Nico a brief smile, hoping to convey multiple emotions at once, but Nico isn’t looking at him; he has his eyes cast ahead on the beautiful view, now, and while Will is a little disappointed he can’t really blame him for it.

Nico doesn’t say anything further, and Will lets the silence take over again. After a few more minutes they gather their things and start the walk back, and this time Will doesn’t think the silence as pressuring as before. Something about their short talk up there has cleared the air between them enough that Will is happy to walk along the trail a few steps behind Nico and enjoy the moment. And the view. Both of them.

They’re nearing the spot that Will recognizes as the holodeck entrance when Nico smoothly slows his pace and drops back to walk beside Will. This makes Will kind of giddy, but he tries to contain himself – he doesn’t want to appear _too_ eager, no matter how clear signs Nico himself is sending.

”I hope the trail I chose has been to your satisfaction.” Will almost wants to laugh at the overly formal way Nico talks, but he’s starting to suspect it has something to do with nerves, so instead he just nods. ”Will you join me on a hike again?”

Will looks at Nico and beams. ”Sure! When?”

”I will let you know.”

Will supposes that’s fair. It appears that hiking on the holodecks is what Nico considers his off time, so of course it’s up to him whether he wants Will to join him and when. At this point, Will can only hope for that time to come sooner rather than later.

They exit the program in silence, and when Will makes a comment about it being a nice way to spend time, Nico merely nods. Will can see him already slipping back into the role of Commander di Angelo, and it’s a little unsettling. For some reason Will had hoped that they could still have that sort of connection they had reached in there once they stepped out, but apparently he was wrong.

With a small moment of what looks like hesitation, Nico nods again as if deciding something, then turns to leave toward his quarters on deck D. Will’s quarters are only a few doors from Nico’s but he get the feeling that offering to walk back together is out of the question. So instead, Will decides to make a small detour to the sickbay (even though he feels sweaty and disgusting all over and his watch says it’s already 2130) and settles for calling after Nico, ”Thank you for tonight, Nico.”

Nico doesn’t turn around. Will can see his shoulders tensing for some reason, and he bites his lip, worrying he said something wrong. When Nico answers, his voice is small and emotionless, and Will once again gets a feeling he’s missing something.

”You’re welcome, Will.”

* * *

”Chief Medical Officer’s Personal Log, star date 56487.6. I don’t understand him. One might argue that people are not meant to be thoroughly understood, but I think some understanding between individuals is only fair.”

* * *

It’s been three weeks since their hike on the holodeck. Will thinks about that evening a lot, to a point where he needs to distract himself with Klingon operas before going to bed or he will be lying awake all night thinking about it.

Will had thought everything went well. Looking back, he can’t think of one thing he could have made differently to get a better outcome. He remembers every minute from the moment they stepped inside the program, to their conversation about siblings, to the few words they exchanged afterwards. He remembers watching Nico’s retreating back until it disappeared behind a corner, and he remembers thinking that it’s a sight he both lives and hates. He remembers Nico’s soft voice when he said Will’s first name for the first time.

The thing is, Nico hasn’t said a single word to him since then.

They run into each other constantly, just like they did before, because they’re both part of the senior staff and arguably two of the most important members of the crew after the Captain. Will has tried to start up a conversation with Nico, but either Nico hasn’t noticed or heard him or then he has merely nodded, as though deep in thought and not really listening. The few times Will has managed to meet Nico’s eyes, Nico has turned his gaze quickly away and, in a few occasions, basically run out of the room. It confuses Will, infuriates him, and actually makes him rather hurt.

Maybe Will misunderstood something, and Nico really doesn’t want anything other than friendship. Perhaps he even takes all the senior staff members hiking as a show of companionship or whatever.

But that doesn’t explain why Will still catches Nico staring at him. Or why he asked if Will would join him again. And furthermore – Will swallowed his pride and actually asked the ship’s Chief Engineer if the Commander had asked her to join him on a hike as well, but the only answer he had gotten had been a laugh and a dismissive roll of eyes.

On his way to the staff meeting this morning Will decided that he would confront Nico afterwards. He’d be friendly, understanding, he’d just express a slight confusion over what Nico wants from him. Basically Will has went through the whole conversation multiple times in his head, with various outcomes, both good and bad. He has taken into accord the possibility that Nico actually _is_ busy, and the one that Captain Grace overhears them and reprimands them for fraternizing (which, for some reason, Will finds unlikely). Earlier, when he was just waking up, Will ever thought up a scenario where Nico stops his inquiries by apologizing and then telling Will he’s madly in love with him (again, something that Will thinks is very unlikely, but a very nice scenario nevertheless).

Will thought he would be ready for whatever, but during the meeting he can feel his determination slipping from him. Even with his eyes cold and face unmoving like stone, Nico di Angelo is beautiful enough to send chills down Will’s spine, and so intimidating that even the thought of confronting someone like that has Will’s brain telling him to flee. How could he ever say what he was planning to say to someone who carries himself with the authority of a thousand war generals? Maybe it’s the uniform.

(At the same time, the mere thought that, in one universe or another, Will could somehow get through to Nico, and Nico could return these feelings that Will hasn’t dared to put into words yet, is intoxicating. In his minds eye, Will can see happy days, and moments where he’s in love, and years spent together, and he _wants_ that. It terrifies him, but he genuinely thinks that, if given a chance, he could make another person happy, and at least right now he wants that person to be Nico.)

The meeting ends eventually, and Will realizes he doesn’t have any idea what was discussed during it. The Captain leaves rather quickly with the Chief Engineer, saying something about wanting to see the progress on the warp engine updates, and everyone else takes their leave soon after that. Will lingers, keeping his eyes on Nico and trying to find that courage he had when leaving his quarters this morning.

Nico has his eyes on a PADD left behind by the Captain, and Will isn’t entirely sure Nico is actually reading it. By the time everyone else has left the ready room Will knows Nico must know they’re alone, for the first time since their hike on the holodeck, but he doesn’t address Will in any way. So, deciding that one of them has to say something and refusing to wait or another three weeks, Will gets up and approaches the other end of the long table.

”Nico – ”

”I would prefer for the staff to address each other formally while on duty, Doctor Solace.”

_Finally, he talks._ Will is a little stunned by the cold tone of Nico’s voice, but can’t really say that Nico doesn’t have a point there. ”Commander, may I speak with you for a moment?”

Nico doesn’t even look up from his PADD. ”I am quite busy, we will speak at a later time.”

It feels an awful lot like Nico is trying to get rid of Will. Unfortunately, he’s also succeeding. Will has been on edge all meeting, and confused for weeks, and now he just doesn’t understand anything anymore, and Nico doesn’t even have the decency to _look_ at him?

”Commander – ”

”You are dismissed, Doctor.”

Will knows that as senior staff, they’re equal in most things. The only time the First Officer would be ethically allowed to pull rank over the Chief Medical Officer would be if the doctor was severely ignoring orders or putting the crew in danger.

Will is doing neither. Which is why the words hurt more than he thinks they would.

But Will doesn’t say anything, just gives a stiff nod and leaves the room, keeping his back straight and his face emotionless even though the corners of his eyes are burning and he feels like he might throw up.

* * *

There is a popular recreational program for the holodecks circulating among the staff. It’s a single room, not too big, with dark wooden floors and soft, comfortable furniture. The fireplace is the centerpiece of the room, with a plush couch and a dozen fluffy blankets in front of it. There are no clocks, no electronics, no rush. It’s the perfect place to relax after busy days on the ship.

Will knows most people use the program for dates. He supposes the room is romantic, with the frosted windows and snow falling outside them, the cracking of the fire, the soft music that filters through the walls if you listen closely enough. If Will were to guess, he would very much enjoy a date in that room himself, if it was with the right person. He shakes his head as he grabs a blanket and chooses a corner of the couch to sit in.

Will mostly comes to the room for the fire. When he was little, his grandmother’s house had a fireplace that looked a lot like this one, with red bricks and an ornate iron gate to close the pit with. He remembers curling in an old leather arm chair in front of the fire and listening to Grandma tell stories about her father, a decorated Starfleet captain who got a meteor formation named after him. Will remembers dreaming about one day becoming a captain like his great-grandfather, and being lulled to sleep by the smell of fire and Grandma’s oatmeal cookies fresh from the oven.

The fire is something Will associates with safety – which, come to think of it, is a little strange, given the nature of fire. But to Will fire has always meant home and people he loves and cares about, and who love and care about him in return. Out there, thousands of light years away from Grandma’s house, Will sometimes feels very lonely. He knows the fire in this fire place is nothing more than a holographic image, but it still helps a little.

Kayla had been very understanding when Will had asked her to change around their holodeck reservations. Will might not have talked about what happened with Nico, but given how closely he works with Kayla in the med bay, it wouldn’t surprise him to hear that she has figured it out. Will has never been very good at keeping his emotions on check.

The couch is so comfortable it feels like Will is floating on a cloud. The fire adds to the warmth of the blanket, and he smells a hint of cinnamon in the air. No one is there to ask Will anything, or bring him reports, or demand check ups. It’s just Will and the fire and nothing else. In every aspect, this should be the best Will has been feeling in weeks, if not months, but instead he’s feeling empty and hollow and a part of him just wants to curl up in a ball and cry.

Will can’t believe he let himself become so invested in Nico without talking things through first. It’s a rookie mistake, something you learn in Dating 101 – or would, if such a thing existed. (Maybe it should. Will thinks he’s becoming somewhat an expert on the things _not_ to do. Perhaps he could become a guest lecturer.) But then again, Will doesn’t think he should bear all of the blame. He might have been reading too much into things, but there were moments when Nico had definitely sent him signals that were at least a little mixed. Like the fact that Nico barely ever smiles, but in the past three months he has smiled at Will a total of 43 times. Or that in the conference room he often chooses the chair next to Will even though there are multiple other chairs still empty.

So yes, Will has been keeping his hopes up and building his castles on clouds, but he feels like Nico has done his part. Will doesn’t think he can be blamed for being surprised over the recent turn of events, the cold shoulder, the dismissal. That’s just plain _rude_ , and Will kind of wants to go yell at Nico, or maybe assign some unnecessary appointments to draw blood just to be nasty.

Because Will is _angry_. He doesn’t remember the last time he could say he was really angry, and he doesn’t like the feeling. He’s a naturally happy and easy-going person, he knows and embraces that, and the burning hot feeling of anger upsets his stomach and gives him a killer headache. He hasn’t been really eating since yesterday evening. He doesn’t think he could keep anything down if he tried.

Will has no idea how long he has been in the room when he hears the beep of the computer letting someone in. He briefly curses not setting the locks so that not anyone could just walk in, but when the intruder calmly walks in without apologizing he thinks that there are only so many people who would have the nerve for it.

”I have been informed in no uncertain words that I am an idiot.”

Will turns his head, even though he knows without looking who it is. He just has to see what Nico looks like in this light, and he’s not disappointed. The warm hue from the fire somehow makes Nico’s features softer, the lines of his body more prominent. He’s not wearing his uniform, for once, but a long sleeved black t-shirt and dark jeans, and he looks so good that Will has to look away again because he’s still _hurt_ , damn it, and Nico has the nerve to come in looking like _that_.

A soft sound of fabric rustling informs Will that Nico has taken a step or two closer. ”May I sit with you?” Nico is nervous. Will can hear it in the way his voice is soft under the formal choice of words. Part of Will is glad.

”Sure.” Will picks up the blanket to wrap it tighter around himself and simultaneously making more room to sit on the couch. And then, because he’s still angry, he huffs, ”It’s not like I can really stop you, Commander.”

It’s kind of a low blow, and Will wants to take it back, but instead he turns to look at the fire again and bites his cheek until he draws blood. It takes a long moment before Will can feel the couch dipping as Nico sits down next to him – close enough for Will to feel it, but not quite close enough to touch. Will isn’t sure he likes that.

”Jason – Captain Grace – he gave me a very thorough talking to this afternoon.” Will almost opens his mouth again to say something nasty, but doesn’t. He closes his hand into a fist in the blanket and waits for Nico to speak. ”He called me a coward. Said that I always do this. Every time something good comes my way, when I start to feel more content, I find a way to ruin everything. Apparently I’m rather good at that.”

Will wants to look at Nico, and then again he doesn’t. He needs to listen, and he knows if he turns to look he’ll stop listening and do something extremely stupid. He just saw Nico this morning in the senior staff meeting, and yet somehow Nico sounds much older and worn out than he has any right to be.

”He’s right, you know.” Will notices that, while Nico’s voice still has the formal edge to it, his wording is getting relaxed. He wonders if that’s just from being around Will or if that’s some sort of permanent change. ”I do tend to run away from good things in life. I guess that’s something that has been happening a lot. I – actually I think I _do_ know why that is.” There’s a strange sound, and it takes Will a second to realize Nico just _gulped_. Is he really that nervous? ”I’d like to tell you. If you – that is, if you will listen.”

Talking – and especially talking about feelings – is not easy for Nico, Will has noticed. That’s probably one of the main reasons they have been driven into this situation. Nico is so human, but in some ways that one eighth of him that is Vulcan is sometimes so strong that it frustrates Will. He hopes that if something is to come of their relationship, he can learn to cherish this part of Nico, too. (Truth be told, Will doesn’t think it will actually be that hard.)

Will shifts on the couch so that he is halfway turned toward Nico, but he keeps his eyes on the blanket. ”I’ll listen”, he promises, because that much he can give without getting in too deep again. After all, it’s not like the situation could get much worse by talking, right?

Nico starts with the facts, the ones anyone who keeps their eyes and ears open around the Academy knows. Nico’s father is the Ambassador of Luna, has been for all of Nico’s life, and therefore he hasn’t been a big part of his children's lives. He met Maria, Nico’s mother, back on Earth on his first diplomatic visit there, fell madly in love and brought her back to Luna with him. Nico’s sister Bianca was born only eight months after the wedding, and Nico followed two years later. When Nico was less than a year old, however, Maria di Angelo was killed in a shuttle accident that some still suspect had an insulted Klingon behind it.

After the death of his wife, the Ambassador had left his parents in charge of his two small children and gone to Bajor, as requested by his work. Those who had seen him in the following three years have said that they have never seen a more devastated human being. Will remembers meeting a Bajoran man who claim to have served as a chef in the Ambassador’s house in those years. The man had said that there were weeks that the Ambassador barely ate a thing.

”My father was withering away”, Nico says, confirming what Will had heard. He sounds like he tries to be indifferent and detached, but Will knows one can never be completely indifferent when it comes to loved ones. ”And I guess it really was a lifeline thrown his way when he met Marie.”

That’s the starting of the story that made the Ambassador’s life so intriguing and debated. His romance with Marie Levesque was something that many believe saved the Ambassador’s life, but at the same time other ironically claim it’s the very thing that ended Marie’s. They seemed happy together, is what people do agree on, and Will wants to believe they really were.

”Hazel was just a few weeks old when the accident happened. I was still young myself, but I remember hearing about it from Grandmother.” Nico’s face shows pain, a feeling more deep and human than anything else Will has seen on him before. His own heart aches a little just seeing it. ”It’s silly, but Marie’s death has always hurt me almost more than my own mother’s. I don’t have any memories of my mother, but I do remember talking to Marie through a subspace call, and father telling me and Bianca that after the wedding we would all move to Bajor and be a family together.”

The accident happened only a week before the wedding was supposed to take place, and it was eerily similar to the one that had killed Maria di Angelo not five years before. And that’s the thing that has made people suspicious about the Ambassador; they don’t believe that it could be a coincidence that two women close to him have suffered death the same way, both times after recently giving birth too. Will can admit that it’s a little alarming, when it’s said like that, but he has never believed that the Ambassador had anything to do with either of the deaths.

Looking at Nico now confirms this to Will. From what little he knows about Nico personally, he doesn’t think Nico is the kind of person to turn a blind eye when he knows something isn’t right, and Will knows for a fact that he is in regular contact with his father. And when Nico now says that his father never wanted any harm for either of the women he loved, Will believes him.

This is a story that Will has known for years, but Nico’s own story doesn’t end there. Will hears now about what it was like to be raised by grandparents, never really knowing either of your parents, clinging to a sister who left for the Academy as soon as she could. Nico tells Will about the first time he met Hazel, the first time he had a vacation away from Luna, the first time he flew a shuttle. While he talks, Will paints a picture in his mind about a young Nico, learning and growing and exploring the world around him, and he feels himself starting to understand Nico on a level that makes some of his immediate anger melt away.

Nico talks for a long time. It seems that once he starts he can’t stop until he has said everything. And Will listens, not just because he promised to, but because he wants to – and because honestly, Nico could be reading the engine manuals and Will would still be just as hypnotized by his voice.

The way Nico describes his father tells Will a lot about what Nico thinks of affection and love. As a father, Mr. di Angelo sounds like a distant figure, perhaps caring in his own way but lacking the ways to show it. People say that Nico’s logic and emotionless demeanor is heritage from his Vulcan ancestors, but Will is starting to believe that at least half if it comes from the way his father has acted towards him all through his life. From what Nico says, he seems to think so too.

”I guess that I haven’t really had good examples on how this is supposed to work. I mean, my grandparents were happy, I think, but Grandfather died when I was small, before I could even begin to understand any of it. My father was happy, first with my mother and then with Marie, and both times that happiness was taken away from him cruelly and violently, and he hasn’t tried again. He once told me, when I was ten years old, that the only way you can live your life in one piece is by living it alone.”

_That’s an awfully lonely way to live_ , Will thinks, and for the first time in weeks he wants to reach out and comfort Nico. He doesn’t. He waits for Nico to finish saying what he’s trying to say, in hopes of all of this getting to a point where the monologue naturally develops into a conversation and Nico can tell Will how he wants to be comforted, or if he wants to be comforted at all.

”And that’s probably why I flee”, Nico says, straightening his back and glancing up at Will’s face quickly before casting his eyes back down, ”when I come across something that I want to cherish. And I – Will, I want to cherish you more than I thought I ever would.”

It’s said so bluntly that it takes Will’s breath away. Leave it to Nico to say something so incredibly romantic as a way of trying to explain himself.

And Will is helpless to that. Sure, there’s still parts of him that are angry, but that will fade over time. What he mostly feels right now is incredible awe and affection towards Nico. Nico, who has evidently done a lot of thinking, perhaps part of it because of Will. Nico, who is clearly putting his heart out there and desperately hoping it won’t get broken. Nico, who, under his calm and collected exterior, is just as scared and confused and nervous as Will is, most of the time.

When Nico reaches a hand out to touch Will, it almost feels too nice to be real. The tips of Nico’s fingers send chills up Will’s forearm, and Will almost feels like holding his breath.

”I – I was raised by my human grandparents since I was small. But I do remember my half Vulcan grandmother talking – um – about the intimacy in…” Nico runs his fingers lower, nearing Will’s wrist. Will can’t believe this is actually happening. ”It’s a big deal, to Vulcans. Touching hands. I have – I did try that with someone once, back in the Academy. He was, um, all Vulcan, and said that he wouldn’t go for human intimacy, so I… tried.” The tips of Nico’s ears are bright red. Will wants to kiss them. ”I didn’t really feel anything, with him, and he didn’t like that. It turns out that I wasn’t Vulcan enough for him, after all.”

One eighth Vulcan is not a lot, Will knows, even though sometimes the things Nico says or does seem very odd for someone who is so much more human. But it angers him that someone can be so race oriented that they can let go of someone just because they’re not _Vulcan_ enough. Will has no idea how that must have felt for Nico, not apparently being enough anything to fit in.

But Will can’t be too mad about the unnamed Vulcan – after all, this means that Will himself has a better chance with Nico. He moves gently, not wanting to alarm Nico in any way, and turns his own hand so that it’s palm up on his knee, like he’s offering himself to Nico.

”I don’t care how much Vulcan you are”, he says softy, not daring to look at Nico’s eyes, so dark and intense and unreadable. ”Or how much human, or anything else. To me, you will always be enough _Nico_ , and that’s really all that matters.”

As far as Will knows, he doesn’t have any Vulcan blood in him. He has never given it much thought, but he must be the opposite of a Vulcan; he pretty much represents everything that Vulcans despise about humans. But still, when Nico’s fingers press gently to the palm of Will’s hand, Will swears it sends a jolt of electricity down his spine, the way only the best of kisses do.

There are a lot of nerve endings in human hands; Vulcan hands are not that different. From a biological standpoint, Will knows exactly why a gentle, careful touch like Nico’s feels the way it does, especially as the moment is so full of different kinds of tension that you could cut it with a blade. But as only a man, a mere human who just happens to be falling head over heels in love with another man, Will doesn’t think about nerve endings. All he thinks about is that Nico’s hand is soft, and warm, and that he _totally_ understands the intimacy behind Vulcan displays of affection for the first time in his life.

The silence between is electric. Will listens to Nico’s breathing, how there’s an almost unnoticeable hitch to it. He doesn’t dare move, fearing that anything could disturb this perfect moment of balance and closeness. He tries to match his breathing with Nico’s and somewhat fails, but it helps calm his nerves a little.

”It has never felt like this to me before”, Nico says, breaking the silence with a voice that is soft like velvet and as full of wonder as Will has ever heard it. Their eyes meet, and Will swears Nico’s are shining brighter than the stars they travel across.

Will moves the tips of his fingers, twitching them just enough to return Nico’s touch, to feel the warmth on Nico’s palm against his skin. His heart skips another beat.

”It hasn’t to me, either.”

**

The next day Nico asks Will out on a date – and this time it really _is_ a date, and Nico blushes through his question and keeps looking at his feet like a teenager. Will thinks it’s one of the most endearing sights he has ever seen, but he keeps this thought to himself; he’s not much better himself, really.

Nico insists on fetching Will from his quarters at exactly 2000 hours, and Will spends the thirty minutes leading to that pacing around his bedroom and changing his shirt seven times. In the end he settles with the shirt he was originally planning to wear, anyway, and is glad when he opens the door at 1959 hours to see that Nico is wearing a shirt in matching dark blue.

Being alone with Nico after the emotional roller coaster that was last night is not nearly as awkward as it was before. They walk side by side, and Nico refuses to tell Will where they’re going, and Will bumps their shoulders together. Nico smiles. Will doesn’t think he has ever seen such a beautiful smile in his life, and by now he has seen at least sixteen different kinds of smiles on Nico di Angelo’s lips. Each of them only seems to be more gorgeous than the last, and Will dreads the moment when Nico realizes he could _kill_ someone with just a smile.

Nico leads Will into the ship’s arboretum, where Will has to admit he hasn’t had the time to visit yet. He’s a little ashamed (he’s a _science officer_ for heaven’s sake), but then Nico admits that he hasn’t been there, either, and takes Will’s hand as they make their way through the trees and plants and flowers from a hundred and one different Federation worlds. Will is starting to get a feeling that Nico will always find the most romantic spots for late night walks, and he’s very okay with only being the second best this time.

Holding hands with Nico is both exciting and slightly frustrating. Exciting, because Nico’s hand in Will’s feels so nice, so firm and sure, like his fingers were meant to be entangled with Will’s. Frustrating, because Will’s hand is sweating but he doesn’t want to let go for a second, and also because Will has been dreaming about this for months now and it’s nothing like he ever imagined it would be.

It’s better, though. Nico doesn’t say much, but he keeps looking at Will, and every time their eyes meet there is a soft squeeze around Will’s fingers and an almost unnoticeable upturn of Nico’s lips. (One day Will is going to write a book, cataloging all the different ways Nico captures his heart without meaning to, and his smiles are going to get their own chapter.)

Last night Nico was the one to keep talking, but this time it’s Will’s turn. He doesn’t have such a dramatic tale to tell, but Nico seems just as keen to hear about Will’s mother, about the stories Grandma told him about old Captain Solace and his adventures, about Will’s favorite corners to read in the Academy’s library. Will tells Nico about his own father, too, what little he has heard from his mother and grandmother and gathered together from documents. Halfway through a sentence he can feel Nico’s thumb stroking intricate patterns to the side of his palm, and it makes him trip over his own feet and stumble on his words. Nico doesn’t mention it.

There’s a pond in the middle of the arboretum, where they grow a dozen different kinds of water plants. Nico leads them there, and fall quiet while watching the delicate petals and vibrant colors and breathing in all the different kinds of sweet smells from the pollen. Will really likes it here, in the arboretum, on this ship, next to Nico. He turns to look at Nico, and finds his eyes already on him.

To Will’s surprise, it’s Nico who leans in and presses their lips together for the first time. It starts with a smile, once again, and with Will inching just a tad bit closer to Nico so that their chests are almost touching. Nico uses that movement to his advantage, and his lips are perfect on Will’s, and Will decides that this is the most wonderful moment of his life so far.

He can’t wait to experience more like it with Nico.

When the kiss eventually ends and Will opens his eyes, he can see Nico looking at him. They’re so close that Will can see every single fleck of color in Nico’s dark eyes when they move back and forth, left and right all across Will’s face.

”What?” Will asks, not daring to raise his voice above a whisper in fears of breaking the spell around them. ”What are you doing?”

Nico’s blush is beautiful. It’s mostly on the tips of his ears, but there are hints of it across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. Will wants to trace his finger there, see if his skin gets any warmer with the faint color of red.

”I’m counting stars”, Nico answers, and it takes Will a few moments to figure out that, _oh_ , Nico is talking about his freckles. And does _that_ just make Will’s heart skip a beat. Nico doesn’t seem like the type to easily come up with crazy cool pick up lines, which only means that he truly means this, and that he didn’t even mean it to sound as romantic as it does.

Will is _so_ going to fall in love this man, _hard_.

”Oh? And how many are there?”

Nico’s only answer is to lean in closer and kiss Will again – which Will is totally fine with.

**Author's Note:**

> (please note that while i once knew how star dates work, i can't remember anymore. and i couldn't be bothered to find out while i was vomiting this on the document. they're really not the important thing here anyway.)
> 
> it wouldn't be a star trek au without a holodeck date


End file.
